How Fathers in NY Can Attain Child Custody & Better Visitation Rights

There was a time, and not so long ago, that it was basically a given that the mother would get full custody, whether it made sense or not.  Today, however, all that has changed.

So . . . if you’re a family guy ie: you want custody of your children, you’d better read what follows.

Fathers now have the same rights as mothers, even if they are divorced or if they’ve  never actually married the mother of their children. But, as with most things these days, nothing is absolute or entirely straightforward.  If you are hoping to be awarded full custody, you’d better get a lawyer . . . a family law specialist with extensive experience in New York, completely familiar with all the legal issues specific to New York State.

You want full custody?  I’d take my hat off to you if I still wore one, but I mothballed my fedora years ago.  Let me just say that I respect you . . . a lot.  I couldn’t do it, I don’t have what it takes.  But now that you’ve thought it through and want to proceed, you’re going to need more than respect, you’re going to traverse the justice system  . . .  you need determination, patience, flexibility and perhaps a case or two of single malt Scotch, because rights or no rights. . .  it could take time.  I’m not suggesting that hitting the booze is an answer, I’m just making a point.  Let me assure you that especially right now, you want to show the court that you are a sober, responsible, well balanced, trustworthy, reasonable guy . . . no . . . not just a guy … a family guy … a father.

While the court does not automatically favor one parent over the other, there are no guarantees who will be successful and who will be the one confined to alternate weekends visit and every other Tuesday privileges.

Please listen to the following very carefully:  no matter how amenable your once-dearly-beloved is right now, there’s no telling what they are going to be like a month from now or several years down the road.  You absolutely, positively, definitely need everything to be formally drafted in a legal document . . . a court order.  Get a good lawyer, you are investing in your future and the future of your children.  Custody battles, especially in NY,  can get very ugly, very quickly and your children will suffer.  Money spent on an experienced New York legal specialist is going to save you more than you can imagine.  Right now, you may roll your eyes and say, “that’s not going to happen to us” but it happens to hundreds of thousands of couples in every situation, every year.  GET A LAWYER!  

This is how it works.  The court will decide what is in the best interest of the child, so you’re going to want to make sure you’re putting your best foot forward every step of the way.  To begin with, treat your lawyer with respect, staying calm under all circumstances, you want to show them that you are stable and reasonable.  Respond to your ex (or soon-to-be ex) with a level head, speaking with a calm voice even if you want to scream.  In other words, as Ben Matlock would say, “Don’t be a jackass.”  Okay, let’s move on.

Maybe your child (or children) are expressing a strong desire to live with you . . . don’t let that make you think this will guarantee your success. The court is not required to give the child’s preference any special weight . . . the court continues to make custody decisions based on the child’s best interest.

Important to know:  You can petition the court to change custody if a significant change of circumstances occurs that may impact your child/children’s best interest. For instance,your ex moves in with another person who has been arrested for and convicted of domestic violence. The court might consider this factor as a substantial change to revisit the custody order.  Don’t try to take matters into your own hand, let an attorney, well versed and experienced in New York State child custody law handle the situation.

Here’s a hard and fast fact:  fathers do not have automatic custody or visitation rights.

But! You’ve got rights!

As a father, even if you only have shared legal custody, you are fully entitled to participate in legal decisions regarding their child:  education, medical care, religious upbringing, and extracurricular activities. If your ex attempts to make unilateral decisions for the child that your oppose, you likely have legal standing to petition the court for assistance.

As someone who has been through the divorce courts twice and faced custody battles as a father, I’ve got to say that without a legal specialist it’s far more difficult and ultimately costs more in dollars & time and also wreaks havoc on your sanity.  A lawyer not only knows the law but will draft a legal document that can’t be misconstrued or reinterpreted to give “the other side” the opposite of what you intended.  It’s amazing how ambiguous things that seemed perfectly clear become when a lawyer explains them to you.

The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches.”  Antonin Scalia